So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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