Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
