dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
