Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize