No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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