I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
