my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
