WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
