hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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