Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
