I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
