U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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