Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
