Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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