He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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