You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
