Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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