At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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