So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize