you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
