I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
