Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
