So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
