Nicole vs. Life
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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