: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
