I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
