It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
