how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
