I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
