yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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