woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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