I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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