is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
