so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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