I'm so fucking centered right now
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
