I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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