Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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