I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
