Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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