I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
