she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
