Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
