dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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