Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
