Yo dont text me then not text me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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