Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
