i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
