Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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