she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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