walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
