So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
