You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
