Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
