awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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