My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
