There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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