My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
