Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
