just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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