i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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