Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
