I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
