I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm bleeding and have questions
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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