can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
