Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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