How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize