smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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