and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
