it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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