party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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