You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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