I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Come on in and take your pants off
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