flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
